Just when I started again and you'd might expect a happy/ funny post (although if you've read anything on my page, I just can't be funny really...), I'm actually writing this to ask you for your help and to help some of you (maybe?).
This is going to be really weird to type, because I don't know any of you and I don't even know you care about this at all, but I don't really know who I can go to in real life.
This is pretty personal and I don't even know if I'll put this on public to be honest, but let's just see how it goes.
Lately I've been feeling a change in myself. Well I say lately but it really has been the last 3/4 years, so much for the word lately haha... But it really feels not that long, because I can remember my 'old' self so well.
Let's just start at the beginning, because I always start writing randomly and you, as a reader, probably won't really know what's going on.
It all started where so many of my things started. In the third grade of high school when I was bullied. (I won't go into detail about that, because I already wrote a whole post on that a while ago, so if you want to know what that was about, click here)
I started to lie, a lot. First only little white lies, but after I got 'the hang of it', I found out that it was so easy. And then it pretty much all went wrong. I began to lie to my classmates (not that they meant anything to me, but it still was/ is wrong), to my friends, best friends and in the end to my family. That was the moment I began to feel bad, really bad, because you should never lie to you family since they are probably (not always, but in most cases) the people who will love you the longest and who will always be there for you.
This went on for about 3 years. At this time I had a few solid friendships that I did not want to risk ending, because of some stupid lie. I began feeling that I didn't have to pretend to be someone else and lie about things, since I was accepted for who I was by them and it felt great!
After that I began to really acknowledge just how many times I lied per week. So I decided to stop it for once and for all, but that was easier said than done. But slowly I made good progress and surprisingly gained even more friends, just by being myself.
One of the
things that kept me going the most was the good feeling I got when people
commented positively on me being, well, me.
But most of
all the feeling I got when I was being honest and that I didn’t have to think
each time when I met someone, what did I tell them about this and that, because
finally everybody got the same story, the true story. It was so relaxing and it
made me feel so good.
I guess the
thing I want to say with this post is: You don’t have to lie or pretend to be
someone else, because (queue the cheesiness) you are good the way you are and
people will eventually love you for being you. I know that this is something
everybody says to these kinds of problems, but it is true! It’ll give you relaxation
and rest, because you don’t have to put on a mask every time you speak to
someone and trust me on this one, once you get through the tough beginning, it’ll
feel flipping great!
Just try it
out, it won’t hurt to just try!
Please let me know if you see a bit of yourself in my story and let me know in the comments (or privately, you can find my links in the about me section on my blog) if it helped you to hear a similar story, so you are not alone in this phase.
And if you're comfortable with it, share your story in the comments below, so I know I'm not alone in this :)
See you next time with hopefully a happy blogpost!!
X
