Dealing With The Bullies?

Let me start by saying that I'm not writing this to get attention or something like that. I'm just hoping to help some of you who are going through the same thing as I did.

Let's just start with the beginning.

I started (Dutch) high school six years ago and when I left my primary school, I also left my best friends. 

I went to high school with a good friend but she did another level, so we almost never saw each other. This really pained me.

I was put in a class with a few children from my old school, but I was not at all friends with them.

I also need to say that the day before my first day of high school, my grandma had to go to hospital and died 2 weeks later. This was a lot for me, because I saw her a lot. 

I became this really shy, quiet en little girl. Needlessly to say, I became the center of bullying. The problem was, however, that I didn't know I was bullied. I thought I just wasn't good enough and I really did try to change myself, but I couldn't (and I couldn't be happier that I didn't). 

I became more and more quiet until I was sick almost everyday. At the time I did not realize that I was school sick. The only thing I knew was that I was better as soon as my parents told me I could stay at home. I was so happy when I knew I didn't have to go through this that day.

Of course they didn't let that happen too often, but when I went to school I had to throw up and go home. At the worst period, I missed 86 hours of school in just half a year. 

This was obviously not good at all, so I decided, with the help of my parents, to go and see the school's psychologist. 

The other problem I was suffering with, was that I had way to many fails, so it was very likely for me to not pass my year. For many of you, this probably won't be a bad thing, but for me it was the worst. If I had to double my year, I would have failed myself, I would be a shame to myslelf etc. 

The psychologist however made me write down the pros and cons of doubling and I soon found out that there were way more pros than cons. This was in a weird way very encouraging and in the end I past the year. 

She also made me recognize the sort of bullying that was happening to me. I thought at the time, the only way of bullying was calling names and beating people up and that wasn't happening to me. 

She showed me that ignoring and never being included in groups was also a way of bullying. This made me realize that it wasn't necessarily me that was wrong, it also was the fault of the bullies. 

This made me feel so much better.

When I went into the fourth year, the classes were changed drastically and I met some new friends and I had never come home so happy after school. I guess they will never know how important they are for me. They make me feel appreciated and I started, slowly but steadily, to open up and speak again during lessons. (Right now I love discussing about everything and debate with teachers).

Now I'm in my last year and, as cringe this may sound, I can look back at my high school time as a very important life lesson.  

I now come home from school so happy and I go to school with a kind of excitement that I get to see my friends again even if it is only during the breaks.

I guess the message I want to give is for everyone that is bullied: It may be shitty now, but I KNOW it'll get better. Even if it doesn't feel like it now, I know it will.

The other message I want to give is to the bullies: Although you might think that what you are doing, can do no harm, that is not the case. 

For me personally it has lead to the fact that I don't open up to people unless I know them very well. I also immediately have the impression that everyone dislikes me and (if you are a friend that is reading this, probably not but hey maybe) that is probably why I don't look up or stay really on the surface instead of telling you about my deeper thoughts (that sounded really weird, but you know what I mean).

I guess the thing I want to say is, even though you might think you do no harm to anyone, even the little things, like ignoring or calling names, can affect people for the rest of their lives. 

The last thing I want to say is, this is my perspective of things and my story. I know bullying can go to many higher levels, but it affect someone's life anyway and big!

Please tell me about your experiences (if you want of course) and maybe leave some tips in the comments below. 

And to end this post with a positive note: be kind to others and they will be kind to you!

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